Scars: Behind the Mask

I wrote this song in September 2005 in one night. At the time, it was the most personal song I had written. I thought I would never top this writing. Then, I wrote Answers this year. This month I’ve finally written and produced the music track for Scars.

This song is a true to life story. Even now, thinking of what to write about stirs up many emotions – some unresolved, some accepted.

I was born with many medical problems that has left me with several physical scars. Whew! (Okay… I can do this…)

For 99% of my life, I’ve kept these scars hidden from the physical view. As a kid I avoided a lot of ridicule by being quiet, shy, and keeping to myself. I’ve never been an extroverted type of person, I have only learned through adulthood how important it is to speak up if/when you want to be heard. That lesson has helped me overcome my scars and forge forward into becoming a well balanced man.

Have you ever met a man too afraid to fall in love,
because of the scars that won’t disappear?
What’s life without someone special to be thinking of,
not the scars that are always here?

I guess the older you get, the more mature you become, and the less you care about what people think of you. When you realize all you truly have is Love for people and you can see that we all suffer some kind of pain, then you can begin to find the relevance and meaning of your experience. With that understanding, you can confidently share your experience with Love that can positively impact someone else’s life to move forward and grow.

Who hasn’t been afraid to fall in love these days, fearing the pain of a breakup, the trouble from “drama”, the disappointments of selfishness, and surrendering to the doubts? I’m trying to shift my focus, y’all, and stop being so guarded against chances to fall in love. I’m trying to enhance my other qualities like self-esteem, wit, maturity, knowledge, Spirituality, and my passion for music and writing. I fight to keep a balanced perspective of my physical body as just a “shell”, with scars, pimples, short height, baggy eyes, and my two gapped-teeth…HA!!!!!

Kids are influenced by everything they see
thinking that’s how they’re supposed to be
Mamas and papas teach your babies’ minds to be free
that’s how they’re supposed to be

For so many years, I’ve avoided taking pictures because I thought I’d never measure up to the perfect expectations. I was so locked into the media hyped-up value of image and lifestyle. Being so young and unaware, it is easy to want what you see “out” there because it’s not inside or around you. Thanks to technology and Photoshop we can all look flawless, photo-finished like in a magazine.

But, I don’t want that anymore. Still, people feed the contradictions by being distracted from a positive message because it doesn’t “look” right. How is positive supposed to look anyway? I thought being positive was about a feeling, a mentality.

We all have Scars, whether they are physical or emotional. All I can really do is hope that you will not deny or ignore your scars, but you instead reshape them in your mind to being those distinguishing marks that make up a beautiful You!

Thank you!

I’ll Be There

I’ll be there, I’ll endure what may come
Remain faithful in me and I’ll make it to your kingdom
I know some of my choices are wrong
  and sometimes my words may hurt
Can’t live a life without sin
  and to be good takes work

I’ll have a purpose, I’ll determine my destiny
Open closed doors and lay down steps before me
May question my meaning in this life
  and doubt when I know I should go
Won’t always be for sure
  and will falter along this narrow road

I’ll keep my head up, won’t give place to the devil
Keep your hands on me and I’ll reach that higher level
I know I want to be rich
  and famous among all mankind
Sacrifice all of that glory
  to keep the way you Love on my mind

I’ll be there,
while I anxiously await your return
I’ll continue to learn, you’ll stay my concern,
and no matter where I am, I know one day
I’ll be there

Broken Soul: A View on 3-D

The Universe will have restored Love to the people,
who will realize, actualize, and energize their Spirits,
putting comfort and strength back into our hearts
to mend all of our broken souls
and give us the dawn of a
new experience

I wrote Broken Soul back in July of this year 2007. I started with the first two stanzas, and put it away. As I was making music one day, what I had written came to my mind and I started reading the words over the music and the two just fit together. I kept reading the words to the music and worked it out. I just knew I had to finish writing the piece. It took me about a half-hour to write it all out. But, there’s so much more to this story…

This has been the biggest, most important spiritually awakening year of my life. But, more information only leads to more questions. Many of my life questions have been answered and many aspects have been brought into a unique, though alienating, perspective. Funny sometimes, when death taints your life, how you quickly come head on with all of your personally unresolved issues and unanswered questions. You are immediately forced to make lighting fast decisions, cut through the bull****, accept the realness of situations, and be firm in your actions. The older you are, the less tolerant you become with uneasiness because you are keenly aware that time is still going forward… with you or without you.

Bottomline, everything I’ve been told to “believe” in or have accepted on “faith” has been challenged to a outstandingly great degree. Listen, all the things I thought I knew I had answers for have all been turned upside down.

    I feel like I was spiritually led to discover information that has been so hard to accept. But, it has opened my spiritual eyes wide to understanding our existence on this 3rd dimension.

I don’t have anwsers, I have possiblities. I don’t have judgements, I have understanding. I don’t have faith, I have knowledge. I don’t have to believe, because my Spirit shows me everyday that I am Loved, that I am cared for, and that I am living my experience.

I could write a book explaining the deep inspiration behind this piece. Though I can intelligently explain everything I’ve written in this piece, I do not know that I am ready for the backlash from the readers. What I’m talking about goes beyond a David and Goliath story. I could trigger all kinds of warning alerts and alarms from explaining this piece in detail.

As if the very words weren’t enough already to turn some heads sideways, by writing about the experience of this piece could certainly serve to alienate me even more.

What I can tell you is that these days, the greater population of individuals in this world have been and are being pulled further and further away from their spiritual centers. I do think this is by design, yet very much out of our control. The contradictions, the confusion, the unjustice, the uncompassion are so embedded in our soceities and existence that we never need to question where it all comes from and why it is. We just accept it.

I do know that Love is Energetic-motion that vibrates through us all. Love is not doubled-sided. Love and hate (light and dark) can not, will not, has not ever existed in the same space. Yet, they are somehow twisted, braided within the realm of religion and government, in this 3rd dimension. Have you ever honestly thought, how could God’s Spirit Love and Hate at the same time? Are you really allowing yourself to think that could be a contradiction or are you saying that it is absolutely so because that’s what you’ve been taught since you could remember?

If you take away money supply, wouldn’t we still have our Spirits? Take away sin wouldn’t we still have our spirits?

I’m not saying I have the answers, just possiblities.

I know that if I can be open to discovering the information that leads to my on-going spiritual awakening and recover in confidence from what I find, then everyone else can and will too. Once our collective desire to spiritually awaken ourselves happens, then the time will be upon us to shift the totality of all our experience. That is when we will reclaim our spiritual connectedness and overcome these obstacles and ills of societies. With the help of Universal Love we can and will chase away the darkness, so that we suffer no more.

Thank you for reading! As always take what you will, and leave the rest to be still.

(Comments are always welcome!)

Personal Warrior

A desperate world, clouded in deception, just looking for its torn holes to be filled with bits of laughter, honesty, the truth, and some peace long forgotten. First, a Man of the Night. Second, a Man of the Day. A Personal Warrior, crusading as the substance to fill these holes, one by one, until he is called Home.

Infatuated with the skyscrapers, hypnotized by the night’s lights, lured by the shapes of the brilliant moon that draws the desolate people to come together and create a profound, undeniable energy known as the City. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. Mostly, a powerful positive driving force compelling the crusader to interact.

His distinguished brown layer of skin, his defined willow’s peak hairline, his naturally muscular torso, and his mature, bright smile dispels the darkness surrounded by the night. A fluid grace and a steady stride, even if high, determines his level of focus and character. Not perfect, but the imperfections make him so.

Cavalier. Caring. Charismatic. One conversation all night could fill the hole in a soul searching for a bit of laughter, honesty, the truth, and some peace long forgotten.
Possibilities abound and Love is in the air every time he’s around. Beauty. Elegance. Prestige. Honor. Respect. These are the goals set forth in his mind, with every note, every step, every smile, and every word he utters.

And there, lies, the discipline. There’s work to be done. Practice. Develop the art. Form. Deliver the performance. Focus. Demand the purpose be fulfilled.

The Personal Warrior has a job to do.

Walk me through

some dreams never see this real space,
left in oblivion without a trace
some intentions just get confused,
so the true ones are hardly understood
but now I have you, to walk me through, and that’s the truth

most souls are never alone, but anybody can get to be lonely
so we spend our lives, trying to fight the pain of this malady
but I can with you, walking me through, and that’s the truth

You make me believe conquering this world is only where we begin,
like it’s something so easy to achieve
You make me feel like it doesn’t matter how much or how many times I sin,
because there’s no mistake in your love I receive

some lives don’t get to realize the meaning of their responsibility
because those minds are pressurized by all the social imagery
but not me, not with you to walk me through
and that’s the truth

Notes to Self

don’t forget to Love because you remind other people what Home feels like
don’t forget, when the time is right for you, there will always be a way to solve the issues and calm the unsettled nerves
don’t forget to cry…sometimes
don’t forget, just because you are alone doesn’t have to mean you choose to be
don’t forget to let go of the hurts to your soul
don’t stay angry for too long
don’t feel that hopelessness is a comfort
don’t try to change the world, instead change yourself in the world
don’t forget when you’re 36, you may have lived 36 lives
don’t forget that sadness should not be a prime motivator for anything you do
don’t forget to get some happy because it reminds you of what Home felt like
don’t forget that smiling and laughing and playing is also a part of you
don’t want bad luck or hard times for anyone so that you minimize your own
and don’t forget to be Loved so you remember what’s waiting for you when you return Home.

Answers

I’m still here, looks like I never got started
It’s not clear what becomes of the broken hearted
What’s my time table, how much of me is in the way?
Don’t think I’ll be able to finish the life I’m trying to create

Dreams fell from the sky, I’m left with no where else to hide

I know you thought I knew
  where this road was supposed to lead to
But my steps fell through
  and I don’t know where the answers went to

Look at me now, still wondering who I’m going to be
someway, somehow I’ve reached a twisted state of destiny
Who I am and the man I had hoped to become isn’t the same
But here I stand ready to accept all of the blame

Dreams stepped into reality, and changed all the possibilities

I maybe self-righteous , even unwavering at times
but when I’m loving you, my heart is always kind

I know you thought I knew
  where this road was going to lead me to
But, my steps fell through
  and now I don’t have answers for you

I’m right here, feels like I’m just getting started
no more fear ’cause love awaits the broken hearted

dreams were caught in time, now I can put them back in the sky

Sophie

Sophie, I know they say
We’re too young
To know about
love, life, and sex

Remember that day
it wasn’t wrong
there was no doubt
in my heart, when I gave you my best

So, don’t fall under the pressure
of your daddy’s lies
they can only try to keep you from me

Sophie, you smile like no other girl
you laugh out loud like no other girl
you take my world and make me whole
your tender touch fills up my soul

Sophie, can’t wait to see you
I’d cut my class
I’ll creep around back
for a laugh, for a joke, even a kiss

Remember the truth
it fades so fast
when they attack
our dreams, our goals, our wish

And, I won’t see the gesture
in my mother’s eyes
they can only try , but they can’t keep me from you

Rainbows and butterflies
All of my hopes and dreams,
when I’m with you Sophie
They can only try, but they can’t take what we feel inside

Loving the one
who loves you the same
in this life
is worth all the fun,
all the pain,
and all the sacrifice

Sophie, your smile is like no other girl’s
you laugh out like no other girl
just take my world and make me whole
Touch me and ignite my soul

Scars

One day, a while ago, a child was born just like any other
but the complication of the situation, made him like no other

Twice blessed…
Once to be given life, another to live life…
Yet, cursed to survive

I was born and the Angels rushed to put me back together
but I still have scars
What’s wrong with my baby? Bless my mama and my father
they still have scars

Have you ever met a man too afraid to fall in love
because the scars won’t disappear
What’s life without someone special to be thinking of
not just the scars that are always here

So I let the scars define me as different
created this time on a notion heaven sent
We’re all special, but I’ll tell them the difference
in a world so hard to handle, I make perfect sense…
once they look past the scars

I didn’t grow up
to be air-brushed in a magazine
I don’t know who they are
Just fighting with rage against the machine
I don’t care who they are

Kids are influenced by everything they see
thinking that’s how they are supposed to be
Mamas and papas teach your babies minds to be free
that’s how they’re supposed to be

That’s why I let the scars define me as different,
a beautiful gold-mine never spent
We’re all special, but I’ll show them the difference
in a world so hard to handle, I make perfect sense…

I’m just a man making his dreams real, so I pay attention to how I make others feel
Can’t fit into your Squares, too big for your Holes
Just want to love and be loved, so I bare my soul
Not always an easy task, but Father said keep trying
so I put on my mask for you to see my heart’s not lying

Now raise your hands to the sky so Father will rescue you
He gave me the scars to prove His love is true
We’re all on the same boat and it’s going down fast,
people need love because the material things won’t last

So don’t feel sorry for me, I’m the one born with the scars
And, I live my life in honesty

Broken Soul

Life all makes sense to me now
all of my troubles and obstacles
designed by a few elite a**holes
who hold the key to my broken soul

When I allowed myself to see the truth of this age
I see how you manipulate my mind, and
disregard my life like you erase the letters off a written page

The disease of your power
infiltrates the actions of the ignorant;
the impact of your lust and greed makes
confusion and hatred run rampant

Your imprint of deception, lies, and falsehoods
from the will of your dark hearts that are so cold
has left me torn, searching for what could
mend my broken soul

My broken soul has no place to go
can’t change what I now know,
my broken soul

Travesties beset by your government
in the name of justice
for civil liberties that you have pulled out from under our feet
to increase control over us

Your twisted religions
made of wicked devices named belief and faith,
the amble to chaos and confusion,
so we never find the truth that awaits
us all

Your colorblind, modern day slavery
bound by the lines of federal money supply
driven by incurable, massive debt societies
of central banks, interest rates, taxes, and empty treasury

Your imprint of deception, lies, and falsehoods
from the will of dark hearts, so cold
has left me crying for what could
mend my broken soul

By the end of this age
as the man with the bucket of water arrives
your rule, your rage
will meet its demise

When people stop believing, stop having faith
and start to realize and trust, that which they already know
your power will be useless
and you will be overthrown

When your wretched tools of mass media hysteria
and the solemn impact of your crippling wars
all turn against you

the sleeping Spirits will have awaken
anxious to return you back to the darkness from which you came

The Universe will have restored Love to the people,
who will realize, actualize, and energize their Spirits,
putting comfort and strength back into our hearts
to mend all of our broken souls
and give us the dawn of a
new experience